Hello! It's been too long. I have been a terrible blogger. Oh well. Only Lacey reads this, so it doesn't really matter. I made some pillows and a dog bed last night, but I forgot to take pictures, so instead of writing about that, I'm going to write about something that's been driving me CRAZY...
About 3 months in to our marriage, people started asking me when we're going to have kids. My standard reply is, "I don't know, we'll see." What I'm thinking in my head is, "Mind your own goddam business, Assface McGee!".
It gets worse around the holidays. My mom was particularly punch-worthy at Christmas when, in front of a butt-load of my family, she asked us flat out "So when are you going to make me a grandmother?". I gave her my standard reply in the coldest voice possible. Other family members just hinted at it. I'd be holding someone's toddler in my arms and a cousin would say something like "You and Brad are going to have such cute kids." then they'd stare at me expectantly. It's like everyone was waiting for me to announce my pregnancy. I get it - people do that around Christmas -time. Only problem is -I'm not fucking pregnant. And guess what, it's none of your business as to when Brad and I decide to have kids.
Having kids is a huge decision. Financially, emtionally and otherwise. I'm really not looking to discuss that decision with anyone other than my husband and my closest friends.
So when that balding, gingerheaded dillhole in my office makes a comment about how it's my turn to have kids, I just smile at him while thinking to myself, "Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you..." Meanwhile he's prattling on about having kids is just so cool and you'll never experience anything else like it. The problem with this is - I didn't ask. I didn't ask you what it's like to be a parent. I know very little about you (except that you love Dave Matthews Band and you drive a Ford F250) and I don't care about you or your super radical 1-year-old.
Part of the reason for this baby pressure cooker is because seven of my girlfriends are pregnant right now. (Including Mrs. Campbell!) My whole world is infected with the baby fever! I am genuinely happy for all my friends! I can't wait to meet each one of their babies and to squish their chubby legs and coo at them! I'm going to buy them all high-top baby Nike's becase that's the cutest thing ever.
I am just incredibly tired of being asked when Brad and I are going to make a human. Guess what? We'll fucking let you know. How about that? If we decide to have kids, how about I just put out an all-points-bulletin to everyone I've ever spoken to in my entire life. That way, everyone can know everything about my uterus! God knows, what I do with my womb is everybody's business. That much has been made clear to me in the last year.
Yes, I'm bitter. I'm really really tired of people who barely know me asking me about it. Just because we work in the same office, does not mean you can ask me something so personal. Just because we're related by marriage, doesn't mean it's any of your beeswax. Deciding whether or not be become a parent is super hard and super pesonal; and it's presumptuous and rude to ask someone you don't know very well when they're going to have kids.
On behalf of myself and every other childless married couple that you don't know all that well: STOP IT.
Love,
Joy "No I'm not fucking pregnant." Bush
P.S.
The pillows and dog bed I made are super cute so I'll take pics and blog about them soon. Word.
Also, I know I sound really angry in this post, but oh well. I needed to vent, so suck it, Internet.
